I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
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