Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
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