I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
