he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
im six kinds of drunk right now
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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