Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
