Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
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