How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Randomize
