So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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