I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
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