Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
