OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Randomize
