You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
