I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
