also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
