you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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