I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
