We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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