party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Randomize
