I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
