i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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