Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
Randomize
