It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
Randomize
