Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
me + whiskey = a bad person
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
