one word: firstdatebathroomanal
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Randomize
