hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Randomize
