i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Randomize
