I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
