And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
Randomize
