Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
