I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
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