Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
Randomize
