every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
I stole a fireplace last night.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Randomize
