enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
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