$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
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