I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
Randomize