you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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