After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Randomize
