xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
