Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
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