shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Randomize
