apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
