I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
