we're chasing vodka with high fives
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
