this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
I'm sobbing to NWA
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Randomize
