After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
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