My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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