I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
my nose is crying tears of wow.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Randomize
