stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
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