i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
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