I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
