My brain says no but my pants say off.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
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