Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
