Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Randomize
