thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
