I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Randomize
