cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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