What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Randomize
