I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Randomize
