So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
Randomize
