I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
My bed smells like the plague
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
