One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
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