discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Randomize
