This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
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