two words: eviction party
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
