I have demons in me.
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
i used baking grease as lip gloss
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
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